How to stop worrying

In the last post, I described a book by Dale Carnegie, "How to Make Friends and Influence People." I have another one of his books to recommend. It is "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living." There are all kinds of great ideas in this book, but I want to focus on a single one. It deals with HOW TO STOP STRESSING OUT OVER YOUR PROBLEMS.

If you think about it, a lot of things can go bad in this world. If we let them get to us, we can forget to enjoy all of the good things in life. So, if you find yourself worrying about some problem like, "What if I lose my job? What if I do really bad on this exam? What if my political candidate does not get elected?", ask yourself the following questions,

1. "What is the worst that can possibly happen if what I fear happens?"

I often ask this of my students when they worry what they are going to do with their life. I am kind of sadistic in even asking that question because their faces scrunch up and they exude stress as they think about the question. After listening to their fears, I ask them, "What is the worst that can reasonably happen to you after graduation?"

They usually answer, "I won't get a job."

2. The next thing to ask is "What is the likelihood that the worst case situation will occur?"

When I ask the students, what is the likelihood that they will not get a job, they typically say, "Not very likely, but still possible." I tell them that they are correct, that they might not get a job and they need to prepare themselves mentally to accept the worst--if they think it can happen.

3. The final 2 questions to ask yourself are, "What steps can I take to reduce the possibility of the worst case occurring, and how can I increase the chances that some other better outcome occurs?"

Immediately after asking this question, students typically start thinking of actions they can use to reduce the threat. They take control and their worry starts to disappear. It also steels them to do what it takes to be successful.

One of the benefits of this process is that answering these simple questions can help identify and assess the cause of the worry. In many cases, the worry is overblown and can be put into better perspective.

The other benefit is that even if the worry is real, imminent, and scary -- taking action helps give the worrier a sense of control over the problem. And worry is reduced when we feel in control.